Tigers Don't Cry

The Patient 

Years ago I went to a Chinese masseur in Joburg. As usual my back was a washboard of knots and it was  painful. As I cowered on the table the masseur said briskly to me  "Tigers Don't Cry" (my Chinese birth year) and it has sort of become my mantra since. I quite like the idea of being a tiger.

Tigers can however get a bit bored in bed especially when it's been almost a month. For the first two weeks I wasn't up to much as I was so ill,  but now that I'm slowly getting better I'm looking at ways to stay sane and productive, whilst remaining reclined.

Unfortunately my attention span is shot along with my central nervous system so I can only do things in small bite-sized chunks. I've watched vast amounts of daytime TV and read so much Daily Beast and Mail Online that I'm starting to think in the same ADDT kind of way (10 Reasons Why You Should Never Get Sick).

I know full well that this is dumbed-down schlebby journalism, but what the hell - it's about my level at the moment, so here are my '5 Ways To Remain Sane Whilst Recovering from GBS' which may come in handy one day, you never know:

Make sure you are well looked after

1. Pick the Right Medical Team

I have four gorgeous boys looking after me. I would have had to have been at deaths door to have gone to hospital and being at home amongst my own things and family has been my secret recovery weapon. Tyler gets to play Doctor Doctor too.

2. Get a VPN

We have a virtual private network account (with My Expat Network.Com) and we have downloaded the BBC iPlayer which means we can stream 'real' BBC all day long and watch as much Master Chef and Graham Norton as we like.

3. Start Pinning

Pinterest has to be the Platinum Award-winning Vaporizer of All-Time as well as a really sad way to live vicariously. Since I've needed to do both lately, I've indulged my vice with alacrity and have reinvented my wardrobes as well as designed and furnished new houses around the world and planned enough dinner parties to last us into the next millennium. Handy.

4. Write a book. In fact write three

I cannot make up my mind which one to start first, so I'm writing all three together. I am a tiger after all. So there's 'Family Food' the cookery book, 'The Bucket List' which is my Chic Lit potboiler which is going to make us our millions and an autobiography called "Baking in the Tropics". I hope to finish all three by Christmas. Ha ha. Anyone know any publishers?

5. Being Happy

Recuperation Chic

I've had a lot of time to think. Priorities have become priorities again. Therefore I've worked out that just about the only things we can control in life are (1) ones weight - so I'm going on a diet (2) fitness levels - so I'm taking up Pilates, Yoga, Running and now that I've seen that underwater iPods are available, swimming

Clearly recovery is also linked to emotional well-being and  I'm feeling strangely calm and quite happy really. I suspect it's all the rest.

I'd be even happier though if I could have a bed-jacket made out of pale pink ostrich feathers and some satin slippers.