Monday

I was going to do a little perky Monday post, mainly because I didn't have to report that the children had gone sailing , yet again, over the weekend, but it's not going to happen. I now wish to relocate to Switzerland, and if they wont let me in - Antarctica.

It's the middle of May, but it's already hot. And buggy. And everything seems to fall apart when it's hot and buggy, or maybe that's just me.

Having dispatched the children to bed, I was looking forward to spending a leisurely hour or so writing up this blog. I was going to post some chirpy Jamaican music (Movado Delilah) which we are all listening too on our little car radios as we grind up and down the volcano with potholes (otherwise known as Tortola) and a couple of photos of our lovely weekend (which for once, as we know, didn't include sailing). I was also going to write some upbeat dingetjies about motherhood.

To treat myself, I thought I would switch on the brand new air conditioner in our new home and pour myself a little glass of cold, dry white. This would mean that it would be beautifully cool, there would be no mozzies and I could receive my husband, who is working tonight, in serene surroundings when he got home from a cheffing gig. I was looking forward to YouTubing (there you go Joburg Book Club, another verb!) some new music that I like, since the radio stations here never seem to announce the songs, and I never know who the hell I'm listening to.

Well.

None of this happened.

For starters - I couldn't find how to switch on the friggin music on the computer, which Tyler has now expertly wired up through the new sound system. Audio On. Audio Off. On Off On Off. Fiddle fiddle. I thought of phoning him, but that's never a good idea in mid-service (but has been known to happen before). I switched to the new laptop (which I'm forbidden to use) but it had the same bloody set-up. No amount of things on/off or in/out seemed to work.

Now irritated, I had to pour myself another glass of dry white, remembering that this was meant to be accompanied by the icy-cold air conditioner which is brand, brand new. This should have been a warning (ie a bit like the brand new dishwasher, which had also been "installed" ie pushed into its space in the kitchen). After a lot of on/off and in/outs with the AC, all that happened was the knob-thingy came away in my hand. Just like that. Broken. As in "she is not wacking".

Since I was now being eaten alive, I frantically tried to hunt down the can of "Off" which had completely vanished. Gone. Nowhere to be found. The last known mortals to use it were the children. That was the nice piece on motherhood gone. Sometimes I really don't like my children, especially when been chomped by man-eating mosquito's.

By which stage I was furious. Being a complete sucker for punishment, I decided that I definitely needed some music to cheer me up. And another glass of icy, dry white since it was the only thing that was cold.

So I decided to use James' little laptop, hoping like hell that this hadn't also been inveigled into our new wireless entertainment system I wasn't aware we had and certainly dont know how to work. (as in all I want to do is Switch The Music On).  This was my biggest mistake. I Googled 'New Music 2012' or something stupid like that and clicked on MTV's Top 40 Hits.

Please, don't do this at home. It's very bad for both your soul and sanity. Oh my goodness me. To see Snoop Dog (at least 50 years old and father of twenty-somethings) singing with Kanye West "We're Young and Wild and Free", oh puuuhleasse. No you're not: You're old and rich and probably a grandfather. Not one but two songs by the ghastly Katy Perry who sounds just like Jesse J, who looks just like Lady Gaga who sounds and looks just like Nicki Minaj. And actually also Madonna (who all the afore-mentioned look like anyway) who we definitely know is over 50 but at least wasn't signing "I'm Young & Wild & Free" but some silly duo with Nicki Minaj and someone else, probably Drake.  Last week on Isle 95's Hot Caribbean Charts, the number one hit was Rihanna ft Drake and number two was a song by Drake ft Rihanna. S'trues Bob. I don't feel old or anything watching all this rubbish, just superior.

Anyway needless to say I couldn't find the cable to download the pics from the weekend (the old computer dosn't have a chip/memory disk thingy) and it's now almost 12:30pm and I need to be up again at 4:45am to have my daily bout of internet-wrangling. In trying to load an arbitrary image to go with the blog, everything hung, nothing uploaded and I almost lost the entire thing. I swear I would have given up blogging on the spot, had this been the case.

I suppose the outcome of this rather depressing Monday evening is (a) I'm now pleased that we do live on a remote island (b) I'm even more pleased that I'm not a 50 year old + popstar and (c) I should always write my blog on a Sunday.

Monday is a disaster.